Looking Forward

Make a list of all the things you're excited for. The things you'd miss if you died today. What things do you wish for? You can format this as a letter to yourself, if you like, and you can view it whenever you need to.

I'm legitimately staying alive just so I can drink more coffee, and wait for the release of new video games, shows, movies, music, and webcomics. Here's my working list.

Looking Back

Look back on all the positive things you would've missed if you died x amount of years ago.

Pleasant Surprises

Things may not always get better, but they'll always change and be different. Think about all the businesses that have closed down, and the ones that have taken its place. Recall stumbling across your favorite songs. How about that one friend or partner that serendipitously came into your life, and changed you forever? Nothing lasts forever, and new things take the place of the old. There are surprises ahead, and ones you can't possibly predict.

End Your Old Life

End your old life before ending your life, and become a new person. Tie up loose ends. Face the things that scared you, that past-you would never touch. You're dying anyway, right? Why not try something different?

For me, I needed to clean my room. I used to think cleaning my room was a sign I was going to attempt suicide; I would be getting my things in order so I didn't leave behind anything incriminating, or leave a mess for someone else to clean up. It turns out, cleaning my room was a sign I wanted to continue living. It was messy for years, and there was a lot of shame stored in my things, things I should've gotten rid of a long time ago. It was an act of self-love and respect that I finally cleaned it.

I also buzzed my hair, and I tried a new name and pronouns. It was crucial in validating my gender identity, and something I was unwilling to do previously due to fear of judgment. Many trans people have expressed that living as their authentic selves is what saved their life. This is true for me too.

Postpone it

Tell yourself, "I can always do it tomorrow," and when tomorrow comes, say, "I can always do it tomorrow."

Game Over, That's It.

Once you're dead, that's it. There's no more things on this planet for you to discover. No more new people to meet. You can't listen to your favorite song again. You can't enjoy your favorite drink again.

The Consequences of a Failed Attempt

A common response to a suicidal individual is, "but think about who you're leaving behind," and while that is helpful to some, I find it quickly turns into shaming ("you're being selfish") or guilting someone who is hurting profoundly. When I'm deep in despair, you could not convince me that my family would miss me if I died.

I find it more helpful to think about what happens if I survive an attempt. After surviving an attempt, you may have to live with experiencing your loved ones' reaction to your choice, and the potential guilt that comes with that. Surviving an attempt might leave your body permanently damaged. You may also have more problems now than before your attempt. You might lose some autonomy. If you do succeed, consider who might find your body, and in what condition. That's pretty grueling, but it might be helpful to some.

One Small Thing

Do one small thing to improve the state of your life. It proves to yourself on the granular level that things can change.

• Take a shower
• Wash your face
• Brush your teeth
• Wash your sheets
• Fold your clothes
• Clean your desk
• Eat chocolate
• Drink water
• Go on a walk
• Call or text a friend
• Listen to your favorite song
• Make tea or coffee

This Moment Will Pass

If you can ride the impulse, and just get through the next few hours, it'll eventually pass. Distraction is a great tool at this point. Try to get your mind to break the thought loop.

One thing I like to do is create something to do: I go to the dollar store and either buy a craft (coloring book, cross stitch kit, small canvas, beads and string, stickers) or a puzzle (puzzle book, sudoku, word search), and now I have something to do for the evening! Why not grab candy and a drink too :)