Some permissions for trans people
Date: 2025-2-20
Introduction
I'm speaking mainly to the young trans or questioning individuals out there. I know a lot of us are out here seeking permission to be a certain way, especially in such a restrictive and oftentimes hateful environment.
I invite you to have the audacity and self-worth to dream big and broaden your imagination while also having the discernment to weigh the pros and cons (consequences) and the safety of what actions you want to take in regards to your gender.
I think a lot of the narratives on trans people are not very accurate, and are usually crafted to try and convince cishet people that we deserve to exist, and sometimes we get so wrapped up in being palatable and understandable that we just restrict ourselves to the same norms we're trying to transcend or reject.
Wait, I can do that?
Here's a non-exhaustive list of what's possible.
You don't have to love being trans, but you also don't have to hate being trans either. You have a right to feel whichever way.
You don't have to experience dysphoria to be trans, and it's alright if you do.
Yes, you're allowed to take hormones if you're not a binary trans person, but you also don't have to if you don't want to.
You can be nonbinary and want top surgery.
You don't have to take hormones at all to be trans.
You don't have to be 100% certain to take hormones. It can be hard to fully conceptualize what hormones would do for you, and only then, it would be a guess to some degree. You can't possibly know what exact effects and changes it would have on your body unless you went on them. Of course, be informed, especially of the permanent effects, and then trust your gut; you know yourself best. Besides, changes from hrt don't happen overnight. You can try it for a few weeks or a few months, and stop if you don't like it. Again, emphasis on knowing about the onset of the permanent effects and deciding whether or not it is worth it.
You're allowed to be scared when starting hrt. It's a big change that may also have permanent effects.
You're allowed to dislike some of the effects from hrt, and you're allowed to like them too.
Yes, you're allowed to feel regret at your medical transition: it's not the end of the world.
Yes, you're allowed to detransition.
Yes, you're allowed to re-transition.
You can change your mind whenever you want, and that doesn't necessarily mean the choice you made was a mistake. I'd encourage you to try not to admonish yourself for most mistakes you make; you were doing the best you could with the information and circumstances provided. And the more decisions you make and the more life you live, the more information you learn about life and yourself.
It's not required that you knew you were trans when you came out of the womb. This is often one of those weird narratives we tell cis people to try to get them to believe us. You can figure out you're trans at 4, 14, 40, or 80, and it doesn't make you any less trans.
Somebody refusing to call you by your preferred name and pronouns isn't some massive own, it's them showing you they don't respect you or acknowledge your very personhood, and that's loser behavior. You're allowed to feel upset at that and still ask that you be referred to in a certain way. Cis people change their names sometimes too.
You're allowed to still like your deadname/legal name, or feel indifferent, or hate it. You can keep it or you can change it.
You're allowed to like or dislike your breasts and you're allowed to like or dislike your genitals.
Yes, you can be a feminine trans masc, and it's not contradictory. You can wear a dress and nails and do your makeup and wear your hair long, and still call yourself a man/trans masc.
Yes, you can use he/him, they/them, she/her, etc. pronouns even if you don't "pass".
Gender expression does not equal gender identity. You can still be a woman and not present femininely most or any of the time, and so on.
You don't have to bind if you don't want to, and it's okay if you do.
Passing isn't everything, but also, it has its place. It may keep you safe or alleviate gender dysphoria.
You're allowed to feel grief at the way your body and your life is changing as a result of taking hormones.
You're allowed to pick whatever label best describes you and you're also allowed to reject labels if none describe you. You still exist, even if your existence is hard to define, and especially if it's not recognized by the government.
You can still be a trans man if you grew up playing with barbies and you can still be a trans woman if you didn't wear your mom's heels as a toddler. You don't have to justify your identity with some trite narrative such as this.
It's okay if your first time taking hormones isn't this explosive, life-changing experience that makes you feel like you're finally operating with the right "brain". It's okay if hrt doesn't give you this "clarity" or radically improve your mental health as some people report.
With enough nuance, I think just about anything is possible.