Child Link (Ocarina of Time)

When it comes to video games, Ocarina of Time was my first love. I picked it up in the seventh grade, which was a very formative time in my life. Nothing would prepare me for the grief of OoT. Ocarina of Time is about change and loss and aptly captures the impermanence of life. We start with a dying Great Deku Tree, a father figure to the Kokiri. Then, we leave the Kokiri, Saria included, behind. There's something so tragic about leaving vulnerable children behind, left to fend for themselves. It reminds me of an older sibling going to college, creating a feeling of betrayal and abandonment in the younger sibling in that they are no longer being protected by their older sibling. It's a valid way to feel, but it isn't the older sibling's fault; they had a quest to fulfill, and it wasn't their job to protect.

The most shocking point of OoT was child Link inadvertently allowing Ganondorf to destroy the world by opening up the Door of Time. Child Link is then transported seven years in the future where he is met with a ruined world. I'd like to think he blames himself for the world's outcome. As players, we are well acquainted with the world as it was before, amplifying the impact of its destruction. We wish things could go back to the way they were before.

Another aspect of Link is stolen youth. He is unable to be a kid. He is thrusted into adult affairs, forced to grow up too fast, and carries the weight of saving the world on his shoulders. There's also a loneliness to being the odd one out. The not-actually-Kokori boy with no fairy, tasked with a quest only he can carry out. I think there's something to be said about desperately wanting to grow up, gain responsibility and freedom, only to grow up and face the horror that nothing is like what you expected it to be. You wish to be a kid again. Even if things weren't great then, at least it's not this.

At least, art imitates life. When something dies or ends, something is born in its place. The dead Deku Tree is replaced by the Deku Tree Sprout. Link's stolen childhood is given back to him at the end of the game.

Goro Akechi (Persona 5)

Ah, the boy attributed to the Justice Arcana. It doesn't get more on the nose than that. Like L, his drive for justice comes from a selfish place.

Akechi follows the blueprint of many neurodivergent teens. He's gifted and high achieving, but it comes at a cost. He puts on a mask of perfection and charisma to hide the shame of who he really is, a person that wasn't wanted. It's a lonely existence, acting like someone you're not. It also fragments his identity. Akira is probably his only friend, but acquaintance might be a better word. I can't help but think he has intense self-loathing, and a Quiet BPD or high-masking Autistic headcanon would fit him well enough.

I love how he holds himself when masking. He's overly formal, serious, and restrained. As someone who is overly-competitive, I love how seriously Akechi takes his challenges against Akira. I love how unhinged he is as the Black Mask, and it leaves me wanting more. The throwing of the glove is iconic and very symbolic. I think if someone did that in real life, it would be considered "cringe." I don't know how to better explain this, but it seems like his Autistic self is shining through with how seriously he takes it.

I sense that Akechi was someone who had to grow up too fast. Not only this, but his entire life was consumed by his purpose– to get revenge on his father. If he were to live on post-game, I headcanon him regressing in skill and not knowing how to be a functional adult, likely feeling empty and directionless.

He's unable to see how capable he is. After facing off and losing to the Phantom Thieves, Akechi laments, "In the end... I couldn't be special." Makoto reflects back the real truth: "It pains me to admit... but your wit and strength far exceeds ours. We only defeated you by teaming up..."

Although his death is left ambiguous, I consider him dead. His life's purpose was to get revenge on Shido, and his actions laid the foundation for his demise. It's tragic to watch a beautiful, capable kid throw away his life because of his obsession. It makes you wonder, if only things were different for him.

"Under different circumstances, we could have been great rivals... or perhaps even friends."

L (Death Note)

I love me a character with a strong sense of justice. A shining moment in the series is when Light and L proclaim, "I am justice." It communicates that everybody's definition of justice differs; there's no universal, fixed value system.

He's undeniably Autistic. I think he's relatively unmasked too. His "quirks" are endearing, and the characters don't really bat an eye at him. There's a kind of acceptance for who he is, perhaps only earned due to his intellectual prowess. I don't know for sure.

Part of what makes him such a strong character is being both a parallel and foil to Light Yagami. L doesn't have friends. I truly believe L considered Light to be his first and only real friend— they were the only ones to truly understand each other— and I find it really tragic. Light and L have found something rare: someone is on their level. Their brains function differently than everyone else, and that creates a disconnect. But Light and L just mesh. There's energy there. They feel like home to each other. I think I've only met one person in my life that came close to understanding who I was, in all my alien-ness, and that felt like home, and it was naturally an intense, special connection.

Light and L definitely have homoerotic tension too, whether you ship them or not; it's palpable.

Shinji Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Shinji is definitively not a good person; however, I see myself in him. He's a victim of his circumstances. He is alone. He yearns for acceptance, especially from his father, and wants others to love him, but he's too scared– or too wounded– to get close to others. A normal childhood doesn't exist for someone who was bestowed the weight of the world on his shoulders. He's meek and he doesn't know what he wants. He exhibits a lack of agency; there is no self trust and he is unable to make choices for himself.

Shinji is drowning: I see no way out for him.

Sunny (Omori)

Sunny is characterized as a quiet, scared, and emotionally blunted person. He takes refuge in his dream world, and I think it's a mark of dissociation. I take comfort in knowing I'm not the only one who is overwhelmed by the outside world, and chooses to stay inside a majority of the time. I assume Sunny is self-loathing. Waiting for something to happen; he's stuck in freeze mode. A part of him loves himself enough to protect himself. Omori and Headspace exists to bury the shame and the ugly truth. The narrative invites him to forgive himself, even though it's difficult and terrifying. A major repercussion to refusing to face the truth is that Sunny will forever be haunted by SOMETHING. He would choose a long-term discomfort to avoid the short-term discomfort of telling the truth. Sometimes we subject ourselves to more suffering too by avoiding discomfort.

When I learned of the Truth, I was disappointed. I thought to myself, "If that were me, I could never forgive myself. Sunny should never be forgiven." I quickly realized that was the entire point of the game. That's why Sunny went to such extreme lengths to avoid acknowledging that fateful incident.

Basil (Omori)

A major feature of Basil is his abandonment issues. Similar to Sunny, Basil is waiting for someone to save him from his misery. He's posed from the beginning as an easy target, but I think Basil is exceptionally resilient and strong for surviving as long as he did under the crushing guilt of doing something very wrong. I resonate with the absolute desperation of doing anything just to make and keep friends.

Miles Edgeworth (Ace Attorney)

Emotionally closed off. Pushes people away. "Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death." Just, wow.

He's deeply in love with Phoenix Wright.

Young Satoru Gojo (Jujutsu Kaisen)

Young Satoru Gojo lacks a distinct moral compass. He turns to Geto for moral direction. I love how he literally keeps people at arms length 24/7 with Infinity. Him becoming the strongest is what further separates him from others. He's gifted and he never had to question it, or really try. Everything comes easily to him. I've seen Gojo read as neurodivergent/Autistic. It's usually a pretty shallow interpretation and borders the line of infantilization, but I think it can be applied when talking about his innate talents. I'll first apply it to myself. Many times, I feel like when people look at me, they only see my talents. They say stuff like, "Wow! I could never draw like you." It feels like they're putting me on a pedestal while diminishing themselves, when in reality they can become as good as I am. I am just as human as the next person. My art/hobbies are just high priority for me. I think my neurodivergence creates an environment to succeed at creative pursuits, but usually at the cost of something else. It's isolating when the focus is solely on my talents as opposed to my personality or character, and I feel like I'm reduced to the second dimension. It was a low blow for Geto to point out Gojo's power in their post-betrayal conversation. Prior to the betrayal, Geto never mentioned Gojo's strength. I think he, too, reduced Gojo to the second dimension.

I, along with other Autistics, have an experience of the world where I take in 200% of the sensory input to process. It's overwhelming and exhausting. For me, my ears give me the most trouble, and I need to temper it by wearing ear plugs or noise cancelling earbuds. For Satoru Gojo, his eyes are taking in an ungodly amount of information. His blindfolds and sunglasses are a self-accommodation that allows him to function. I found a YouTube video called Gojo Satoru Must Cover His Eyes To Stay Human, and while I didn't glean anything notable from the video, the title is an apt description. To cover his eyes is to enable himself to function in a neurotypical world. Otherwise, he would be exhausted.

Young Suguru Geto (Jujutsu Kaisen)

The most notable characteristic of young Suguru Geto is his strong, rigid moral compass, which is in direct contrast to his peer and foil, Satoru Gojo.

Many times in conflict I've held my tongue, in order to spare the feelings of others. I thought I was doing them a favor, but when things remain repressed and unspoken, the resentment builds. I think part of the reason everything fell apart for Geto is because he didn't have a strong "why" for protecting the weak, other than it being "the right thing to do." There's mounting resentment for a thankless job. He doesn't take care of himself or ask for help. Gojo may blame himself for not noticing his friend's pain sooner, but the responsibility was on Geto to reach out. I don't agree with Geto's behavior post-betrayal; I think it's disgusting. Though, it's a mark of a good villain, and good writing, when the audience absolutely hates them.

I think there's something symbolic with him having to swallow curses. I haven't quite figured it out yet. He swallows his burdens, pushing it down and internalizing it, only for his resentment to consume and poison him.

Toji Fushiguro (Jujutsu Kaisen)

The "invisible man." Toji is the black sheep who is underestimated and overlooked, but he becomes extraordinary despite his circumstances. The shame is that he feels so much shame that he doesn't recognize how exceptional he is. He tried to escape his old life, and it worked for a while. His wife and son likely kept him grounded and hopeful, though, he seemingly regresses because of her death. He thinks he's moved on from all the past bullshit, but his downfall is his preoccupation with his past. Naming his son "blessing" is so beautiful, despite Toji being an absent shithead father. I also find it beautiful when he recognized his son in his final moments, and showed relief at his life outcome.